Why Not Use the TSA to Deliver Preventive Care?
Travelers are already asked to remove their shoes before passing through the security line, so it would not be much more to ask that they accompany a new TSA Medical Representative behind a curtain where they would remove their shoes and the rest of their clothing so that they could receive a brief but through examination, checking for moles, rashes, lumps, brucellosis, scabies, enlarged prostates, or other medical maladies.
Next, the passengers would step into an x-ray machine, where images of their bodies would display not only if they were carrying illegal contraband in their person, but also if they were carrying dangerous tumors or had non-specific fold-thickening of the duodenum.
These x-ray machines would be similar to the full body scanners the TSA currently employs, to great effect.
In the long run, this plan will not only help make us all safer and healthier, it will be a fiscal winner. Everyone flies; it would be easy to give people check-ups while they wait. Since they’re already at the airport, they wouldn’t have to take an extra day off from work to go to a doctor’s office, which would increase our nation’s productivity. And hiring more TSA representatives to handle the increased demand would boost our nation’s woeful employment numbers.
Cute. Satire Alert is in case we took this too seriously?
Maybe this shouldn’t be satire. It might work.
I’ve often thought the airport was an under-utilized resource. There are all manner of shops to sell travelers souvenirs, but who has space to carry more junk. I have seen retail clinics at the airport and thought it was a good idea. I almost got a flu shot at Chicago O’Hare on layover once.
Health Fair or Life Line Screening needs to set up a cash-based ultra sound screening booth for stroke prevention. Quest Labs needs to draw blood for blood chemistry. The TSA agent might as well dispense valium to alleviate the anxiety of flying. Indeed, the flight attendant on American Airlines should pass out vouchers for free drinks to reduce the mental anguish of a fellow traveler encroaching on your space; or an infant across the aisle wailing inconsolably.
At the rate we are going, all airline passengers will be stripped and handcuffed for their flights. The luggage will be whatever you would get in maximum security prison.